dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
