I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
