Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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