so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
