I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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