So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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