I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
