ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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