the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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