Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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