do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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