I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
