ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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