i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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