if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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