Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
