My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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