There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's never too late to be topless.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
