My liver just broke up with me...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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