Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
