i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We have started to decorate penises.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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