woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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