Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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