i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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