So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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