I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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