I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
