he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
where are my eyebrows?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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