Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
