I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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