I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
