mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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