Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
