where am i from again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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