I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
