Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
