Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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