That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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