my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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