I cockslap morals
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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