i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
