Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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