wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
