guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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