You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
