smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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