trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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