so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in