Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises