How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music