it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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