is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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