You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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