ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
