can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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