I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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