She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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