So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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