Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
