I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
