I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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