I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
