You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
