stop calling my apartment porn island.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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