Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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