some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
