arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Randomize
