he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
