I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
