first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
