so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
