youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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