My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dear god my vagina.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
