Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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