Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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